On high school and college campuses across America, it is a widely shared knowledge that cows -- like horses -- commonly sleep standing up.
The sleeping habits of cows are rarely taught in classrooms, to my knowledge, but are shared in lunch halls, locker rooms and in vehicles of various states of disrepair cruising down city streets late at night.
Standing somnolence in bovines is a critical component of a prankish practice known in the common vernacular of adolescent humans as "cow tipping," whereby several strong young men and women sneak up on a cow sleeping in a field and give it a good shove. The unsuspecting animal tips over on its side with a heavy thud and then rises angrily from the dust and chases its giggling accosters back across the field and onto their own side of the fence.If two or more cows are lined up optimally, it is said, a dairyland version of a domino run can be created. The combined effect (or just the thought of it) can be highly amusing, especially after drinking five pints of beer.
The main key to a successful cow tipping, I've been told, is the selection of the proper location. You want to avoid pastures with barbed wire or electric fencing, to be sure, and a field with a smooth and level surface is best. You don't want to put your foot in a gopher hole while fleeing an angry bovine in the dark.
It's also critically important to scout the pasture in advance to make sure your midnight outing doesn't include an unexpected running of the bulls.
Next, you have to select a tippable cow. Some cows sleep lying down, you will discover, and those that are standing may not be dozing deeply. It may take some searching to find a comatose upright animal to approach.
Size is another issue. Cows weigh quite a bit more than most vending machines, and toppling a full-grown animal is going to take the equivalent of several college football linesmen. One strong calf-roping cowboy can lasso and wrestle a calf to the ground, but cows are not calves.
Another factor to consider is that cow tipping is against the law. There may not be ordinances specifically outlawing the molestation of cows, but trespassing is against the law and there are still a few farmers ready to defend their property rights with loaded shotguns.
There's also the possibility of injury to the animal, whether it's tipped over or not, and those responsible could be liable for hundreds of dollars.
All of which has not dissuaded the popularity of cow tipping in the least. From the reports I've seen (mostly on Internet newsgroups and chat lines), cows are being tipped over regularly all across the country, so much so that we should probably be as concerned about the stability of our milk supply as we are about the gullibility of our youth.